2 pounds from, losing 100lbs in less than a year. 😱

This pictures says nothing but, “ anybody’s life can change “. I am living proof, that all it takes is honestly with self, a decision for self, and making choices, to change your life. I am walking proof, that you can achieve all, for you, by you, alone, all you need is you. I can honestly say, all it takes to be happy, and find joy, is to literally be honest with yourself, make a decision that, that is what will be for you, and make better choices every chance you get for yourself.

Almost a year ago, I had no idea who I was, outside of the girl with mad trauma that people could relate to, since I’m a writer. I lived in my trauma, I lived for my trauma, and truthfully, I was always waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I went from weighting 294lbs to 197lbs, size 3xL to xL/L and a size 22 to a 14/12, in less than 12 months.

Seeing your parents split at a young age, and watching that unravel. The hate, the anger, the negativity, the abandonment, and so much more. Being abused, verbally, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Having daddy issues, as well as mommy issues that no one talks about. Being alone, feeling alone, and having a pedophile take advantage of that at the age of 12. To becoming promiscuous, and living off of sex as love.

Waiting and wanting love. To dating all the wrong guys, and becoming this nurturing girl who just wanted to take care of everyone, because I was hoping one day someone would do the same for me. Getting pregnant at 22 and not kidding the baby, because I knew the cycle wouldn’t end because I wasn’t ready. To losing myself even more. Then getting rapped a 22 and then marrying at 23. I mean how much worst could life have gotten right? Mm my husband left, my insecurities came crashing hard all at once.

I wanted to take my life. I was over it, nothing last, nothing is real, nothing I do will ever work. Well I was WRONG! Sadly, but all along, I was waiting and waiting, when all I had to do was look in the mirror. I changed my life because I wasn’t happy, nothing worked, nothing was real, nothing was going to last because it wasn’t for me. It wasn’t for who I truly am, it was for the damaged girl, because she accepted anything, because she had nothing.

I created a life worth living for myself, by taking care of myself. I sat with the little girl in me, and we walked through our trauma. I was honest with myself about what happened, I was honest with myself about why I kept allowing for it to happen, and then I finally accepted that it already happened, and there is nothing I can do but move on to create a better reality for myself.

I stopped just sitting around and waiting for something to happened. And I went to the gym, I walked, I danced, i painted, I sang, I went out, I literally did things that would make me happy, and I wouldn’t go home until I was okay within my own mind. I invested in myself, and not in anymore people. I brought healthier food, I did my research, I started reading, I stopped watching tv, and following the main steam media because that’s not even who I am, nor is it beneficial to me.

I had my moments, but I never stopped going up the steps, see when you look down the steps, it’s always darker than if you just keep walking up. It’s okay to take a min to acknowledge where you are, but never go back down. I take time, sometimes to fall in love with myself, to acknowledge myself, to get to know myself. I’m always evolving, and growing, and learning about me, so it’s okay to take a break some where to see you for who you are, you just can’t go back down.

People always ask me, how did you do it? How long did it take? What was it? Honestly, my journey is mine and the amount of time it took, honestly was shocking and I never could image to be who I am today. Understand that, I changed my life for me, I did it solely for me, and that’s why I have been able to achieve all that I have in less than a year. I’ve been careful, safe, reading, researching, growing, learning, etc. for a while and it all pays off because I make the time for myself, I come first.

p.s

Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog via email, you will receive an email on the newest post on my blog. Also follow my Instagram @RLwalkinArt

The next three post will be more detailed posts about my journey. The first will be my food journey into veganism. The second will be about my mentality throughout my weight loss journey. And the third will be on how I feel about this new women who has surfaced. Thanks guys.

Raven-Lewis. 🌹✨🖤

People will do to you, what you allow.

As much as I think of the things that went wrong in my marriage, or with my father, my mother, my self, my family, any relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve come to realize that, I allowed those things to take place in me, sit in my heart, and cause an anger that not many have seen. I sheltered myself, I hide, a freaking lot! I lost every since of me, with every broken heart, every moment of abandonment, all the tears, all the names. I lost myself, and I truly had no idea, that I was living in my own sense of hell.

I was alone, even when I wasn’t alone, I was always alone. I was alone inside, and I didn’t remember her, but now I see her everyday, I huge her everyday, I tell her she’s beautiful everyday, I cheer her own, we have our moments but accepting myself for who I am has been one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for self, I’ve turned myself around, I’ve found the ground, I’m grounded, I’m found.

And now my journey in finding the perfect reality for me, is even more beautiful. I am truly a goddess, and I no longer, am missing anything because it was and always will be within me. I no longer accept less than, what I give, because I’m not going to half ass anything I do, just to meet someone else’s standards, I just don’t need to be apart of that.

Anything negative that can alter the amount of happiness, you’ve grown to love, drop it. It’s not worth it, life is about making your reality perfect for you, no expectation, trust in self and self awareness. Praise the most high, for my newest awakening and allowing me to trust in my own energy to be such a fucking goddess. The universe can only be on your side, if you are. ( you are the universe, believe it, you’ll see. )

Raven-Lewis. ✨🌹🖤

Separating my reality, from the reality of others, for my mental health plus more.

The beauty of a goddess, only shows when she’s knows. For a long time, I knew I had cute features, but it was all hidden behind fat. Fat that I like to think of as, swollen-ness, is that even a word? Lol anyways!!! I was swollen for years, and for years it kept getting worse! Now that I look back, I can see that the more toxic people and things that I accepted and allowed in my life, the more swollen I got. The day that I started letting things go, people, situations, thoughts, including things about myself that were toxic, as well as my eating habits, I started shedding. And in shedding, I started unveiling and in that, I started to see how beautiful I really am, on the outside yes but mostly on the inside.

I realize that for a very long time, I allowed myself to be held back by, people I considered, friends, partners, family, thoughts, foods, the way I look/view the world, and most importantly, I cared to much about what people thought. That’s a shocker, if you know me. I definitely lived on the defense for too long, and it took me telling myself that I don’t actually give a shit, because people like that are just as damaged as I was. Damaged people hurt people, and damaged people create reality’s in their minds, that are real TO THEM. I was once one of those people, and the path and the journey that I’ve been on has given me some of the most amazing moments of my life. I did that. Me, by myself, for myself, with myself. Period.

I’ve come to a point in my life, where I’ve stopped putting other people first. I come first to me, always! I stopped making excusing saying, oh I have to be a good friend, I have to be a good daughter, I have to be what others expect me to be wit them, not acknowledging that I’m forming my reality to others needs. If it does not benefit me, and i do not need to do something for myself, I do not force myself to fall into anyone else’s “norm”. I honestly don’t mind being the bad guy, because taking things personal that I decide to do for myself, has absolutely nothing to do with me. And that’s just the truth.

Part two coming soon…

Raven-Lewis. ✨🌹🖤

Walking away, from stability.

One of my first days at blow dry, in the photo above.

Holy fucking shit, in July I will be unemployed. I put my two months in, and honestly I’ve never been more scared of the fact, that I’m not scared, or worried. I truly, for the first time, I just don’t care about what is going to happen, I’m just excited to see what I make of myself. I’m excited to see what I do with my new found freedom.

Being that my apartment already got broken into, I paid off all my debt ( almost ) lol, I no longer have anything tying me to one place, because I lost everything, and now am giving up the only stable thing I had. BUT honestly, no matter what happens, it was meant to happen and I will be all the more amazing.

I believe that’s the most beautiful part, walking into a journey with no expectations, just willing and knowing that you are ready for the next step in growth, in life. I can’t believe I’m walking away from my comfort blanket, my career, literally. I’ve been at the same salon, for 5 years, my first job outside of beauty school, and I remember it like yesterday.

I was in beauty school in Fairfield, straight out of high school, riding in the car with a couple of my friends, on our way to shake shack. I’ve never been, so it was all new to me, next thing I know we’re getting off exit 19, driving down the post road, and I see it, “ blow dry “, and I see a couple of girls doing hair through the window. As I’m sitting in the car with my friends I said, “ I’m gonna work there one day”, little did I know, I was right.

A long career of being a hair stylist, was great, but honestly the best part was my family. I grew a family at blow dry, I grew up with those girls, the ones that have come, and the ones that have gone as well. Not to mention, my clients!!! Oh, my lovely ladies, I love every single one of you!

And to think it all start with this girl with bright orange hair from Harlem, who moved to Bridgeport, went to school in Fairfield, and worked in Southport and Westport for 5 years. From doing fashion shows, and charity events, to doing photography, and social media, doing magazine ADs for Westport magazine, and being apart of so many amazing community events. The opportunities that I’ve had in life, have definitely been amazing, and truly not something everyone gets to receive.

I became a women within the last 5 years and I am so grateful, I had every single person around me, that was there to see, any stage of my life. From having my first bank account, to my first studio apartment, to then getting my two bed room, then getting married, then losing everything to becoming this vegan bad ass, who’s ready to take on the world.

I am not sad to be taking on a new journey, but I am sad that I have to say goodbye to so many people, that have been apart of my routine, my life, daily, weekly, etc. for such a long time. I’ll be off shedding out of my cocoon becoming the butterfly I was always meant to be, and you never know what happens, we just know life is great.

p.s thank you to september sirico, the owner of blow dry southport|westport, where I have spent 5 years of my life!! thank you for allowing me to grow, dude, the bad and the ugly! And boy I know it got ugly september, through my worst you never gave up on me, and I truly thank you and love you for that because you gave me the only stable thing i have ever had, which gave me loving people, supportive people, also allowed me space to heal, and grow, and become this amazing person. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! ( I know you hate caps lol )

Raven-Lewis. ✨🌹🖤

Be easy, on you.

I’ve been so hard on myself that I’ve forgotten to be proud of myself. I’ve been so caught up on the fact that I already achieved something, not taking the time to realize that, it’s okay to step back and achieve differently. With practice comes the opportunity to smarten-up and to learn more, so I’m finally acknowledging that I need to take a step back and that’s okay. I’ve come along way from the girl I used to be and became the women I am today.

One of those many things is tied to my eating of course, the vegan, plant based life style. For a couple months I’ve been trying achieve the raw lifestyle, because I achieved it before. The one thing that’s been holding me back, is lack of self acknowledgement, I always downplay how hard this journey has been. The self discipline, self control, mind over matter, is actually extremely hard, and I haven’t been able to fully reach my limit of where I’ve been, because I haven’t empowered myself.

I am empowering myself, I am acknowledging that I haven’t been rooting for me, in the sense of understand my fucking power as a mother fucking goddess. The ability to do a juice detox for 8-9 days on only solely red seeded grapes, and eat raw for weeks after that, was the greatest experience I could’ve given myself. I felt as light as a feather, full of light and energy, the happiness was bursting out of me.

Eating raw, being a fruitarian is my life goal within the eating realm. I’m just getting to a place of understanding, and knowing that timing is everything, and sometimes the time isn’t exactly when you want it to be. So I’m not hard on myself, I have a drink or two, a meal or two that I shouldn’t have. I can be okay with that, because I understand that trying isn’t just failing and giving up. Trying is waking everyday with that goal in mind, and understanding that even with today, you will always try tomorrow. Growth is okay and that’s Some self love for ya!!! 💕

Raven-Lewis. ✨🌹🖤