Tapping into my sexuality, has opened a door for me that I never consciously realized that I closed, and how much that affected me. How confidence allows you to present yourself, in the world. The way that I carried myself in some sexual encounters. The lack of confidence in speaking up for myself, has been a world wind of a journey to realize.
I started this whole process literally without even knowing, I’d started this summer when I got in a Uber, on a day that I was super proud of myself. To the time this past summer when I spent over an hour on a Uber not having a clue as to where I was going. To showering naked in Hawaii with no one but nature looking at me, and that made me oddly amazing. Then moving to California and wearing an outfit I never would’ve dreamed of.
It’s funny how the little things, I want to do because of growing more confidence has allowed me the space to be more welcoming of the thought that I can be sexy. I truly never felt I had the right to be sexy, or even could be sexy at 300lbs & it’s stayed with me even at as low as 176. Now at 184 I am learning that sexy is how you feel, and that energy transcends. How another feels doesn’t take away from my sexy, I just don’t appeal to them.
I started writing this book called “ why I can’t just have sex, with you. “ and in that book I lost all the reasons why I can just have sex with any male I’ve had intercourse with. No names, no dates, no times, no situation just a list of all the reason and that book in itself has taught me about my sexy and feel comfortable enough to feel like I can totally do that.
There’s so much about weight loss that people don’t talk about, it’s such a mental process. Staying stuck in the past is so easy to do, because a lot of the times we don’t want to acknowledge the truth. That takes forgiving ourselves for what we allowed and just being so down on yourself. My life is changing drastically and I am hoping to share more and be more open.