This pictures says nothing but, “ anybody’s life can change “. I am living proof, that all it takes is honestly with self, a decision for self, and making choices, to change your life. I am walking proof, that you can achieve all, for you, by you, alone, all you need is you. I can honestly say, all it takes to be happy, and find joy, is to literally be honest with yourself, make a decision that, that is what will be for you, and make better choices every chance you get for yourself.
Almost a year ago, I had no idea who I was, outside of the girl with mad trauma that people could relate to, since I’m a writer. I lived in my trauma, I lived for my trauma, and truthfully, I was always waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I went from weighting 294lbs to 197lbs, size 3xL to xL/L and a size 22 to a 14/12, in less than 12 months.
Seeing your parents split at a young age, and watching that unravel. The hate, the anger, the negativity, the abandonment, and so much more. Being abused, verbally, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Having daddy issues, as well as mommy issues that no one talks about. Being alone, feeling alone, and having a pedophile take advantage of that at the age of 12. To becoming promiscuous, and living off of sex as love.
Waiting and wanting love. To dating all the wrong guys, and becoming this nurturing girl who just wanted to take care of everyone, because I was hoping one day someone would do the same for me. Getting pregnant at 22 and not kidding the baby, because I knew the cycle wouldn’t end because I wasn’t ready. To losing myself even more. Then getting rapped a 22 and then marrying at 23. I mean how much worst could life have gotten right? Mm my husband left, my insecurities came crashing hard all at once.
I wanted to take my life. I was over it, nothing last, nothing is real, nothing I do will ever work. Well I was WRONG! Sadly, but all along, I was waiting and waiting, when all I had to do was look in the mirror. I changed my life because I wasn’t happy, nothing worked, nothing was real, nothing was going to last because it wasn’t for me. It wasn’t for who I truly am, it was for the damaged girl, because she accepted anything, because she had nothing.
I created a life worth living for myself, by taking care of myself. I sat with the little girl in me, and we walked through our trauma. I was honest with myself about what happened, I was honest with myself about why I kept allowing for it to happen, and then I finally accepted that it already happened, and there is nothing I can do but move on to create a better reality for myself.
I stopped just sitting around and waiting for something to happened. And I went to the gym, I walked, I danced, i painted, I sang, I went out, I literally did things that would make me happy, and I wouldn’t go home until I was okay within my own mind. I invested in myself, and not in anymore people. I brought healthier food, I did my research, I started reading, I stopped watching tv, and following the main steam media because that’s not even who I am, nor is it beneficial to me.
I had my moments, but I never stopped going up the steps, see when you look down the steps, it’s always darker than if you just keep walking up. It’s okay to take a min to acknowledge where you are, but never go back down. I take time, sometimes to fall in love with myself, to acknowledge myself, to get to know myself. I’m always evolving, and growing, and learning about me, so it’s okay to take a break some where to see you for who you are, you just can’t go back down.
People always ask me, how did you do it? How long did it take? What was it? Honestly, my journey is mine and the amount of time it took, honestly was shocking and I never could image to be who I am today. Understand that, I changed my life for me, I did it solely for me, and that’s why I have been able to achieve all that I have in less than a year. I’ve been careful, safe, reading, researching, growing, learning, etc. for a while and it all pays off because I make the time for myself, I come first.
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The next three post will be more detailed posts about my journey. The first will be my food journey into veganism. The second will be about my mentality throughout my weight loss journey. And the third will be on how I feel about this new women who has surfaced. Thanks guys.