from a little over a month ago and I never posted this but it still resonates with me deeply. At that time I was aware of what I needed to do, I was aware of a lot but I wasn’t ready to put it into action. I’ve been going through the motions and healing, I had to go through it to see the light in it, even though I had the answer, I didn’t have the formula to the solution. written in January 28 2019, posted in March 8th 2019.
A part of healing is being honest, and honestly speaking, I’ve grown, I’ve healed from things, I see life and my world different. I also have to say that I still, have been holding myself back. Back in a sense of being fully aware that losing people might happen, my fears might come true, and in that I have to trust myself a little more to know that I am okay, and I will be okay, and life will be okay, always.
With struggles and pain, followed by fear, and uncertainty, very easily you can shelter yourself, and still hold yourself back by not continuing the journey in healing, and stopping when you’re comfortable. The journey in life, doesn’t end, until life does. Although I’ve come very far, I’m also still weak in certain areas. Weak to what I’ve known,what I’m used to, my hope and views on certain people.
I’m aware now that, I find the need to subconsciously protect myself, because it’s what I’ve always done. I’m aware that I need to let go, I need to focus on me, on my growth, and just allow people to be who they are. Instead of closing my heart, I just need to allow people to either prove me wrong, and or prove me right. And with that I can the move forward, in the form of which I need to move.
Instead I’ve been, holding back my growth in certain areas of trauma because I don’t think I believe in certain people’s ability to grow. I can’t think like this, because I am only projecting it toward self. My thought of, “people don’t grow “, has been holding me back from growing where I need to grow, in certain areas. I’m stopping myself in my tracks by hesitating. Only hurting myself. You are what you think, and I finally understand that!!