Her, timing.

I am so thankful for timing. Never did I imagine that on thanksgiving day, I’d be thankful for moments, times, and situations that brought horror with it. Ive come to learn that pain, can be one of two things, and I am extremely proud of myself for recognizing the difference. My life has changed, in such a short amount of time and I just couldn’t be more grateful.

Timing has been a huge deal for me. This past year opened my eyes, to the meaning of timing but I do feel as though it’s always been a thing. I’ve learned to trust the things that happen to you. I’ve learned that just because things are scary, or horrifying, even traumatizing, those things only create a stronger you, so you can step forward. In life, in growth, in wisdom, in self, in love, and in the present.

This year, has taught me to stay present and appreciate each and every moment. Is it easy? Absolutely not!! I do, however learn more and grow more everyday. Practice makes perfect, and awareness keeps things going. This summer literally changed my life, my views on things, more awareness to self, the knowledge of growth and trust in self. The want and need for self love and so much more.

To me pain can either be, something you dwell in, something you let pause you in your track, and make you fall back and essentially hold yourself back. That place to get stuck in is very dark, but it is indeed only an option. You can take pain and be real with yourself, look for the positive in the situations, timing, meaning, and how it can change your life for the better. The way we move is the way we think, so really it’s up to you!

Example: this summer, I pretty much went through hell because of my marriage. Everything fell apart and I wasn’t too far behind. I took this entire situation so hard, I was so broken, I was so lost. The one thing that saved me, was me acknowledging that I’ve seen this girl before. Understanding that although it’s a different situation and different ages, it’s the same little girl!

I had to dig deep, crawl, I had to be real with myself and ask myself what is the problem, why is that the problem, what can I do to solve this problem? Is it even a problem? Can this e en be solved? Can it be avoided with a different train of thought? What can I do! I can love myself. The moment I decided to love myself, my entire life changed.

The way I did things changed, the way I saw myself changed, the way I went about things changed, the way I took care of myself in all aspects changed, the things I wanted for myself changed, the fucking confidence to go after what I want changed, even the guts to be honest with myself to make those changes, I carry with me everyday and I am a brand new women and see life differently.

I am so in-tuned with self and that has changed my life. A small example that has shown me this part. Yesterday night, after an 11 in a half hour shift, I came home to the fact that someone broke into my home. Invaded my personal space, my privacy and my home. I had valuables stolen from me. And I was an emotional, paranoid wreck. I sat in my jacket for 4 hours before I could even think to shower.

I can’t begin to explain the terror, the sadness, the anger, the fearfulness I felt in my own home. This morning I woke up at 7:30am like a scared puppy ready to call the police for a follow up and just sitting in my sisters old bed like a zombie not knowing what to even think. I couldn’t stop imagining different scenarios that could have taken place. Then I saw my mom in her bed and I just thought to myself, I need to build this relationship.

I need to be here for a little while before I sign my fifth lease, at 25. Before I start to get a little busy with work and adulthood again. I need to take in this moment and grow from it. I am still shaken up, pretty terrific and honestly probably will have privacy issues for a while. It’s not easy but I need to look at the positives in order to live a positive life, full of love and growth and strength and a future.

Needless to say, I am a women now. I’m a goddess, I have flourished, I have grown. I see a future I have goals, I have dreams. I see more i want more but I know what wants and needs are. I’m smarter, I’m wiser, I’m healthier, I’m more aware. I’m literally everything I could never imagine. 25 will be the year I growth and wisdom. Happy Thanksgiving, talk to you later!

Raven-Lewis 🌹

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