Diary Rant; this retrograde and it’s life lessons!

Honestly, I’m gonna start by saying, excuse my language pero, this retrograde has me all the way fucked up ( in a good way ). This entire, end of summer has been such a world wind. I literally cannot deal, but truly wish it would’ve happened sooner. So casually I’m cooking dinner, keep in mind, I’ve been working on myself, and one of those steps is losing weight!!! So I’m eating better.

I’m cooking white rice, with peppers and broccoli with half of an avocado in mind. And of course something happened, but “ it” finally hit me!!! And by “ it “ I mean “ one of the things life has been trying to teach me “. So I just came to the realization of, how to actually be a mans friend. It can’t just be me, that hasn’t truly had an emotionally fluid friendship with a Male friend.

Not saying, all male friendships are sexual, because that can definitely not be the case. I just know with my male friends it’s always been, yes I care about you, so ima ride for you when you need me. And not really just a friendship where we talk, just to talk. Talk about normal shit, we think in our head, but it’s like how can someone get to truly know you? If they never know what you’re thinking.

Your way of thinking, is truly who you are. It’s literally what makes you. What makes you laugh, cry, love, feel emotion, live your life, experience experiences, etc. And as I’m writing this, I’m realizing I never really truly have had that with people. Like I have friendships where I can talk about boys or family shit, work, blah blah. I just don’t think I’ve ever, been super open with someone, on a consistent level.

I’m realizing like, I want to be able to talk about my ideas and plans, before they are even ideas and freaking plans. Without feeling ashamed of it not being solid? Like who gives a fuck!! But anyways I want to dream out loud. I want to be able to express, my normal day to day dreams and goals, even the little ones that are simply made for moments, memories and simple experiences. Then! I literally not to long ago just saw my friend Brianna’s Instagram story.

And it pretty much was a picture, and it explained that a cat cafe is opening, across from her. And I literally said to her “ I wanna gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Live like the bitches in the movies. “ then to myself I thought man, I’d love to bring my tripod!!! And take dope pictures, started planing a bomb ass outfit as well. Then I’m like wait a minute!!!!! The “ bitches “ in the movies is deadass bitches like me.

They are just girls, who go out and experience new dope ass things, and dress fly as shit, because they expressed themselves unapologetically!! And just so happen to take pictures and post it! And here we are like not even living our best life! Mind fucking blown! I’m definitely about to be “ a bitch in a movie. “ Pero, all in all!!!! This retrograde has taught me so much in such a short amount of time.

I say that because, look what one little Situation happening, created in my mind, created in myself. Which is something I never done before, because I was so clouded with just everything!!! So finally I just thought without doubt, without anyone in my head, without fear, and I just been finding myself out of this shitty ass dark tunnel, I got lost in!!!! Hope you guys get something out of this dairy Entreeeeeeeeee/ Rant! More to come!!!! Byeeeeee

-Raven-Lewis

( the bitch in the movies )

🖤🌹👑

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