T R I G G E R
( this is a video from that moment and day )
First I’m gonna start by saying to my fellow survivors, go the fuck in you beautiful warrior. This post is about July 5th 2018, at 7:45pm. I decided to take a Zumba class at the edge fitness. A couple minutes into the class I wanted nothing more, than to walk out the door and go home. I tapped into every single piece of strength in my body at that moment to stay. Writing this current post, I can say I am extremely happy and proud that I stayed.
Class started, and I warming up with everyone around me, and out of no where, it was like a slap in the face. My Zumba instructor looked like my rapist. Now when I say he looked like him, was he his twin? No but he sure did look like he could be his brother. Did I panic because I thought the instructor knew him? No I panicked because instead of seeing a Zumba instructor, I saw the man that took a piece of me without permission.
I felt weak and strong all in one emotion, I wanted to grab my stuff and leave, but the strength in me told me over, and over again to pull it together and keep going. See, it’s not about a dance class, it’s why I even decided to go to this dance class. Why I woke up this morning determined to go to a class that was scheduled two hours, after finishing my shift at work.
If I would’ve walked out, he would’ve won. He would’ve won again, and he would’ve took from me, a piece of my self love journey. He would’ve been more than a memory, more than a moment in time, more than a Tuesday in October. I fought the tears, and at times I just let them flow but I danced with my soul. This instructor will, probably never see this a day in his life, but I want to thank him.
I want to thank him for his path, and for his journey. I want to thank him for being an amazing instructor, and giving me a piece of the beauty, I’ve been fighting to get back. I want to thank him, because now when I look in the mirror, with this moment I’ll know the warrior in me will always fight back. Thank you for making me feel beauty, in the way I move my body, thank you for giving me the courage to walk up to the mirror and watch myself move.
Dirty mirror! Sorry, but I just felt so beautiful after this class, and even posting this today I feel so beautiful looking at that girl!